Today I am going to talk about rude and embarrassing mistakes that Japanese learners often make. It is important to learn these to help you avoid making these mistakes!
WARNING: Explicit content to follow
First, let’s start with some mistakes that aren’t so rude before diving into the big stuff.
かわいい vs 怖い
かわいい (cute / pretty) can often be mispronounced as 怖い・こわい (scary). かわいい is pronounced using a “ka” and double “i” while 怖い has a “ko” and single “i”. This mispronunciation could ruin a compliment that you are trying to give to someone or something!
座って vs 触って
- 座って・すわって = Sit down
- 触って・さわって = Touch me
座る・すわる is the verb meaning to sit. This can be conjugated into the て form to mean “sit down” and can be used when offering your seat on the train as such;
- 座って・すわって (ください) = (Please) sit down
But if this is mispronounced as “触って・さわって” then it would mean “please touch me”. This mistake could be pretty creepy and you could end up saying “ohhh please touch me” to an old person and cause some “痴漢・ちかん ! (groper!)” calls. Remember that these are both very similar so please be careful!
立つ vs 勃つ
- 立つ・たつ = To stand
- 勃つ・たつ = To have an erection
You don’t have to be too worried about this one but depending on the context it can be an embarrassing mistake. I’ve seen a very embarrassing mistake where this person wanted to say;
- 朝電車で立つ・あさでんしゃでたつ = I stand on the train in the morning
But instead said;
- 電車で朝立ちしています・でんしゃで朝だちしています
If you know the kanji, then this seems correct, but unfortunately for them it means “I get morning wood on the train”. This is because of the use of “朝立ち・あさだち” which actually stands for “morning wood”. This word is a compound noun. A compared noun is when you take two nouns to create one noun such as;
- 腕・うで (arm) + 時計・とけい (clock) = 腕時計・うでどけい (watch)
And as you can see the “と” in clock becomes “ど” and this is why we say “朝立ち・あさだち”
Cheers!
On the topic of morning wood, here is another relatable one!
When you are in Japan there will be many times that you speak English because Japanese people like to hear English as it sounds cool. One of these times will be before drinking when you all say “cheers!” or “乾杯・かんぱい” in Japanese but there is another way to say this…
“Chin chin! / ちんちん” which in Japanese means “willy (penis)”. I heard this so many times when I was in England and I just couldn’t help but laugh. This is a very childish and innocent way of saying penis but you definitely don’t want to be saying this to strangers!
The weird thing about this though is that when we want to command a dog to sit up we say “ちんちん!”. Strange, I know.
Now, this is where this article is going to become very rude.
一万個
If you have already learnt the counting system in Japanese, you probably already know that our counting system is very different. When you want to count one small object you say;
- 一個・いっこ
These counters are placed after the noun such as;
- りんご一個 = One apple
So, looking at this, we can establish that counting small objects would go a little something like this;
- 二個・にこ = two small objects
- 十個・じゅっこ = 10 small objects
- 百個・ひゃっこ = 100 small objects
- 千個・せんこ = 1000 small objects
In English you typically say “one thousand” while in Japanese we do not emphasise the one before “千・せん” but when you want to talk about ten thousand you will say;
- 一万・いちまん
This means that the correct way to count “10,000 small objects” would be by saying;
- 一万個
But a lot of learners mistake this for
- まんこ
This is really bad as this means “vagina” in Japanese. I really do not like this word and it is so horrible, it is basically like saying the C word in English.
What did you do?
- 何をしましたか・なにをしましたか = What did you do?
In Japanese we always put the verb at the end and, if there is an object, you want to use the “を” particle to indicate what the object is in the sentence. For example;
- テレビをみる・テレビをみる = I watch TV
A common mistake is to put the particle in front of the noun. Such as;
- Saying に仕事行く・にしごといく instead of 仕事に行く・しごとにいく (I go to work)
If you end up saying “を” in front of “何・なに” then it ends up sounding very very very bad because if you say;
- を何しましたか・をなにしましたか
Then it sounds like “did you masturbate?” because the official way to ask this question (if you ever would!?!?) would be;
- オナニーしましたか = Did you mastubate?
Please make sure to put the particle after the noun that should be modified!
いっぱい vs おっぱい
- いっぱい = many
- 一杯 = A glass / cup of
- おっぱい = boobs
As you can see from the vocabulary list, the word for boobs and many / a cup of is very similar. This has caused people to sometimes say boobs instead which can cause a rather embarrassing moment! This is a kind of funny word, not like “まんこ”, but it’s still not exactly the best word to be walking around Tokyo yelling out.
Now, I bet you are thinking “oh, so if you want to say lots of boobs then you can just say ‘おっぱいいっぱい’ hurhurhur” then yeah, well done, you are correct.
たまたま
- たまたま = by chance / by luck
This word can be used when you find something by chance. For example;
- たまたま見つけた・たまたまみつけた = I found it by chance
- たまたまsomebodyに会った・たまたまsomebodyにあった = I met ~ by chance / I bumped into ~
But if you change the intonation of “たまたま” to “タマタマ” then this becomes a childish way of saying balls! So, be aware not to emphasise the “た” in “たまたま”.
If you do really want to say balls, then you can say;
- きんたま = balls / testicles
Can I Have the Bill Please?
- お勘定をお願いします・おかんじょうをおねがいします = Can I have the bill / check please?
The above sentence can be used when in a restaurant to ask for the check but the “お勘定・おかんじょう” is commonly mispronounced as “カンチョー”.
A “カンチョー” is a common prank in Japan where one person thrusts their fingertips into someone else’s bum, using two or four fingers shapes like an imaginary gun. If you have seen Naruto, then you have seen this butt-poking prank many times.
Mispronouncing this sentence basically means that you are asking “please put your fingers in my bum” so it’s probably best to avoid this mistake.
Please Wake Up!
- 起きて・おきて = Please wake up!
The verb to wake up and to wake someone up are different in Japanese;
- 起きる・おきる = To wake up
- 起こす・おこす = To wake someone up
You can ask somebody to wake you up using “起こして・おこして” but be aware not to accidentally say “犯して・おかして” which means “rape me”. You really want to be careful when saying this one.
Rabbits Eat Humans?
Let’s end this article with something cute to help counter the rude mistakes encountered so far.
To say carrot in Japanese, we say;
- 人参・にんじん
Now, what cute animal eats carrots? Yep, rabbits! So;
- うさぎは人参を食べる・うさぎはにんじんをたべる = Rabbits eat carrots
Ever watched a rabbit eat a carrot? Well, it’s crazy cute. The problem here though is that in Japanese there is a similar word to “にんじん” which is;
- 人間・にんげん
So, mispronouncing carrot in the above sentence could cause you to say “rabbits eat humans”. That’s probably not as cute.
Thank you very much for reading and I hope that you won’t make any of these mistakes!
